Researcher Profile CCR 691

Nicole Howell
CCR 691
Schell
September 9, 2009
I’m a Researcher?

I feel like I have written this before, yet I have not. Actually, my déjà vu can be attributed to the formulation of myself as a student/reader/writer/teacher (and now)/ researcher. At some point in each phase of my learning I have been asked to “reflect” on my practices in each of these areas. Each time the reflection inevitably starts with my feeling of displacement. For instance in September 2007 I was asked to consider how I learned to read and write I responded,

"How did I learn to read and write? I learned very early and apparently fairly easily. However, in my adult life I have been very conflicted with reading, writing and language. I say that because although I grew up in a Mexican-American family I do not speak Spanish. Both my parents are fluent speakers and in fact my father’s primary language as a child was Spanish. My parents made the decision not to teach us girls (there are 3 girls in my family) Spanish in order to “save” us from some discrimination in the Clovis School District. I think it worked. I didn’t feel particularly discriminated against and because my parents put such an emphasis on learning how to read and write I excelled in school very early. My sisters didn’t share the same experience that I did in elementary school. My parents were much poorer before I was born and both my sisters went to “Fresno” schools which apparently wasn’t as “good” as Clovis."

I continued on tracing the “important” moments in my learning, but focused primarily on my inability to fit in with the traditional Mexican-American or White-American community. I do not mean to imply there are only two categories, however, in my limited experience at the time they were the dominant categories. Growing up in Clovis, California, which was a predominately wealthy and white community, lead me to believe that White American values and beliefs were synonymous with “normal” American values and beliefs.

Fast forward to November 2008 (the application period) for PhD programs and in my letter of interest I found myself once again reflecting on my relationship with reading and writing. It was important I laid out the reasons for my interest in programs based on what I had already done and why I wanted to continue doing it. My letter to Syracuse University included the following excerpt,

"[L]anguage has played an important role in my life because of who I am and who I am not. I am a Mexican-American who does not speak Spanish and does speak impeccable English. I am a product of the public school system but mostly attended “magnet” programs. Both my parents are fully bilingual but neither practiced overtly Mexican traditions. I suppose because of this I often feel that I am staunchly outside of two very distinct cultures, Mexican-American and “just” American. This has fueled my fascination with language and has turned into an urgent desire to help reshape the university."

After outlining how I became a student of Composition/Rhetoric I detailed the kind of research that interests me and how I plan to continue my work.

"As a PhD student I aim to continue my research geared toward examining language use and how it shapes behaviors. I plan to focus on an awareness of how language determines values and specifically research the link between popular culture and cultural values. In addition, I believe the current trend toward Cultural/Critical pedagogies in Rhetoric and Writing is valuable but needs to be extended to include room for unique (non-classified) voices opposed to the determinate classifications that are currently in place. For instance for many years I felt defined by being a “Mexican-American-female” and was part of the “other” often studied, yet I did not always share the experiences being displayed. Because of this I have been able to connect with my students and recognize that “diversity” is not always diverse. In my current work I am calling into question the appropriateness of Rhetoric/Composition being categorized under the umbrella of English Studies. I have chosen to take on this task because how we define ourselves often sets limits. By continuing to place “Rhetoric/Composition” under English studies we are limited by students and teachers connotations with what is privileged in a traditional English setting, aesthetics, creativity, and high art values for example."

So now that I am charged with the task of profiling myself as a researcher I am again compelled to consider what research questions and projects have preoccupied me over time and why. By surveying the works quoted above, and a few others, I can see that I have been “preoccupied” with how language shapes behaviors. Of course, I start my inquiry by looking at how it shaped(s) me. However, I then extend that inquiry to include the students I teach. This is where my research gains exigency. Student performance, and how it is guided, nurtured and attended to, is my primary focus. Because I am from a diverse community and because I inhabit a station that is not traditionally part of “the Academy” I take up projects that look at students with similar circumstances.

For me research is deeply personal. I am not clear on what is professionally privileged in Composition/Rhetoric research methods and methodology. I am not sure if what I have done thus far or hope to do in the future is relevant to the whole field of Composition/Rhetoric. However, I am certain that it is an understudied area. I am also certain that many individuals who are now inside of large “institutions,” that were once off limits to them, are seriously interested in how they got there and even more importantly how to navigate through them. Yet, the questions I ask, and plan on continuing to ask, are ones intimately related to student success, the effect of connotations attached to the word/subject of “English,” race and how it relates to literacy, student lack of “meta-knowledge,” teacher accountability to student psychological disruption/trauma, and the misconception of “dual citizenship.” I recognize each of these categories could take an entire career to examine meaningfully but I believe they each deeply inform one another.

Each of my areas of inquiry have been prompted by my own reflection on how I came to be in the field of teaching and specifically Composition/Rhetoric. Although I am just now learning the methods and methodologies used to approach research, I believe I have a utilized a close case-study-like approach to my analysis of student work as well as my own participation in the academy. I am a bit conflicted by this method because of 2 major issues. First, case-studies feel a bit anecdotal to me especially after attending several colleges and getting a small survey of the major differences between institutional practices and student body. Second, because the research is quite “close to home,” I fear my interpretations are easily skewed (subconsciously of course) by my personal experience and expectations. In my ear I hear a warning that Victor Villaneuva put forth last spring during his visit to the California State University, Fresno. He suggested the danger in qualitative research and specifically ethnographic research in Composition/Rhetoric is that it never “fails.” In other words he suggested that the researcher inevitably “proves/illustrates,” what s/he “wanted to” in the first place. I found his words startling and only hope to properly heed his warning. Again, as a novice in the field I am/was not able to counter-argue nor was I prepared to respond at all.

Honestly it is with great anxiety I meet the challenge of drafting myself as a researcher. I have for most of my life considered myself a critic. I enjoy looking at what others have done and then draw my own conclusions about the subject and/or findings. I believe this to be a very “studently” way of approaching research and I am currently working through the process of becoming more “scholarly” in my approach. Essentially I aim to learn to take up the questions I have and be willing to apply the due diligence by effectively, ethically and responsibly enacting the kind of research necessary to contribute to our field.